


do you miss the rogue who coaxed you into paradise and left you there?

by ChocolateAndDragons



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Athletic Trainer Iwaizumi Hajime, Based on a Taylor Swift Song, Getting Back Together, Its angsty but not really idk, M/M, Post-Timeskip, Post-breakup, Pro Volleyball Player Oikawa Tooru, Song: coney island (Taylor Swift), Songfic, excessively metaphoric 'cause I like that
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-05
Updated: 2021-01-05
Packaged: 2021-03-15 08:35:38
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,720
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28560675
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ChocolateAndDragons/pseuds/ChocolateAndDragons
Summary: "But he can ask for neither his heart nor his smiles now. Oikawa is finally free- he owes nothing to Iwaizumi. He can only watch from the sidelines, just another of a crowd, silent as Oikawa glows across from him- on the Olympic court. Iwaizumi is not his earth anymore, not like the world that he spins across his fingertips.But, god, what Iwaizumi would give for just a twitch of his lips. He’ll take the shining lies if he has to, but Iwaizumi is unsure in the face of this tension."Iwaizumi and Oikawa fall apart through long distance but still love each other. After watching Oikawa win gold at the Olympics, Iwaizumi can't take it. He makes an attempt to make things right.
Relationships: Iwaizumi Hajime/Oikawa Tooru
Comments: 6
Kudos: 60
Collections: My favorite haikyuu fics





	do you miss the rogue who coaxed you into paradise and left you there?

**Author's Note:**

> I did NOT mean for this to end up longer than 1,000 words haha  
> Anyway, I absolutely LOVE the green/blue and earth/sky and sea metaphor for Iwaizumi and Oikawa. Also, evermore is such an IwaOi album I can't-

Iwaizumi knows he’s only ruining his victory, but something compels him to call Oikawa after the Olympics.

They’re both visiting home, and he can only pretend it’s a coincidence as he sends him a text. 

They meet outside, near the playground they had frequented decades ago. (Iwaizumi can’t believe _he’s_ even that old, let alone that _he and Oikawa_ are.)

“You did well. Congratulations,” he says as Oikawa sinks down beside him on the bench. It’s only then that it occurs to Iwaizumi they had had their first kiss here.

“Thank you.” Oikawa nods curtly, looking off into the distance.

Iwaizumi swallows- When was it ever so difficult to talk to Oikawa? Even when they were breaking up, everything came easy. Everything flowed when he was with Oikawa, even the torrents of fury and curses, even the destructive suffocation of tsunamis, even the years and years of silent tears. Oikawa doesn’t hesitate- Iwaizumi has always known that. He had understood perfectly and promised on this very street. “ _Keep going without a doubt.”_

He grew up in Miyagi, lived for years in California- Iwaizumi loves the coast too much, longs for the song of the rolling waves, and does not feel whole until high tide. He knows the ocean as he knows himself, they are one and the same. That is why he knows that the ocean goes where it pleases- everywhere. It’s a majestic future, and Iwaizumi treasures it far too much to try to hold it back.

But one day sunsets on the beach didn’t quite match up with Oikawa’s beauty and simply became another sign of nightfall and oncoming cold- darkness that only grew colder and colder. Somewhere along the line, he had forgotten the feeling of the waves trickling over his feet and built a dam instead.

Perhaps he was afraid- afraid that one day all his land, his steady, unwavering earth would be devoured by the unrelenting ocean. 

Now, he wonders if his words will be heard over the walls he has built.

_You look so good in blue. Do you miss when I wore blue, too?_

“How is everything?” 

“It’s fine.”

Of course, it is. Oikawa is out winning gold medals now- for Argentina. Iwaizumi has no place at his side anymore. They’re alone. It’s funny, how he felt closer when there were four thousand miles between them, dismissing the notifications for missed calls. 

_Where did you go?_

They’ve grown and changed. They’ve achieved their dreams. This is life. This is okay.

Except it’s not.

It’s been three long years since he’s last seen him but Iwaizumi can still pinpoint Oikawa’s fake smiles from miles away. He’s always hated them and their blinding brightness. Oikawa has always reserved his true self for Iwaizumi- smiles that fill rooms, even through phone screens; a heart that has painted every inch of Iwaizumi’s skin. 

Not anymore- Iwaizumi is too small a canvas, and Oikawa’s heart is bursting and aspiring. _You were always greater than me._

Now, Oikawa holds his heart on a pedestal, like proof it is still beating against all odds. It paints the skies instead, infinite and unyielding, a tremendous blue in the place of Iwaizumi’s bloody red. Iwaizumi can’t blame him, not when he has spent so long trying to see Oikawa’s skies as anything but gray. 

Is he allowed to say that? Does it count as an apology to tell Oikawa that he still sees him everywhere, as the gray reminder that hangs above him endlessly?

But he can ask for neither his heart nor his smiles now. Oikawa is finally free- he owes nothing to Iwaizumi. He can only watch from the sidelines, just another of a crowd, silent as Oikawa glows across from him- on the Olympic court. Iwaizumi is not his earth anymore, not like the world that he spins across his fingertips. 

But, god, what Iwaizumi would give for just a twitch of his lips. He’ll take the shining lies if he has to, but Iwaizumi is unsure in the face of this tension.

“What about you?” Oikawa asks, watching a pair of kids dart across the monkey bar. They scream and laugh, oblivious of the love and heartbreak blooming a few meters away.

“Same as you.” It’s more of a desperate shot in the dark than anything else.

_I don’t know you anymore, but I did once. Please be the same as I remember you._

Oikawa freezes as if just considering whether or not Iwaizumi can still see right through him. He purses his lips. “Why’d you call me, Iwaizumi?”

It almost feels like a first meeting, foreign and awkward. If he wants to, Iwaizumi can pretend that this isn’t even Oikawa. He’s never called him _Iwaizumi,_ anyway. 

_My bad,_ Iwaizumi could say. _My hand slipped. I wanted to meet an old friend._

Sometimes, it feels like that airport goodbye was the last time they’d ever spoken. Somewhere in between he’d gone from _Iwa-chan_ to _Iwaizumi,_ left his teenage sweetheart and childhood best friend, and returned to just another adult.

Maybe they were just a dream. It makes sense, really. Iwaizumi would be lying if claimed that he didn’t watch Oikawa’s interviews, playing them on repeat to listen to him thank his family and friends and everyone except the boy who had stood with him through it all.

Well, he had meant to. 

“Happy birthday.”

“Oh.” Oikawa swallows. “Could’ve just texted me, y’know. Like last year.” 

Iwaizumi winces. “Right. Sorry.”

“...Is that all?” 

“I had something to say. I don’t really remember anymore,” Iwaizumi shrugs, staring down at the grass. “Why’d you come?”

Of course, he remembers. 

_I’m sorry I couldn’t keep any of my promises._

_I’m sorry for swearing I’d support you no matter what and then leaving._

_Sorry for not making you my centerfold._

_I still miss you._

Oikawa softens, leaning back, but his eyes remain fixed on the horizon. “Same as you, I think.”

“Maybe.” Iwaizumi squirms uncomfortably, trying to summon some of the words he’d planned. “You just- you look happier.”

“Sometimes, yeah. Definitely. But...” Oikawa chuckles softly, glancing down at his lap. Iwaizumi is certain he can finish the sentence a million times over. _But- not now. But- not here. But- not with you._ “It’s not too different for you, right? National trainer of Japan and all. It’s all supposed to be paradise from here, right?”

_Paradise._

Iwaizumi’s stomach curls up on itself, thinking of the glistening coastline they used to be- Oikawa’s ocean returning to his land without fail, whether it be the sweet, soothing ripple that tickled his skin or the frantic, crashing flood that choked the air from him. Where do the waves wash up now that Iwaizumi has pulled away?

“Hm. Yeah. Hard work paid off, I guess.” He answers instead.

“Always does...” Oikawa nods, but he bites his lip like he doesn’t believe it.

“Does it really?”

“I don’t know.” Oikawa glances back at him, and Iwaizumi catches his eyes, horribly hopeless in a way he has never seen before. “It’s the only thing I’ve ever been able to do.”

He can’t help but to think the Oikawa he remembers wouldn’t dare to wear his heart on his sleeve like this; would paint his insecurities gold until they were so bright they blinded anyone who dared to search for them. 

If it were another time, maybe Iwaizumi would reach out- slap the back of his head, squeeze his shoulder, hold his hands, pull him close, kiss him. 

If it were another time, this wouldn’t be happening.

But Iwaizumi understands. Some things aren’t about achievement. He’s just never had to truly worry about them until now when it’s too late.

“You deserve everything you’ve worked for,” Iwaizumi says. It’s a terribly direct statement for something that completely evades the real matter at hand. “I’m happy for you. I probably should’ve said it before, but I really am.”

“So am I- happy for you, I mean. I never did tell you how amazing you are.” Oikawa smiles at him sadly, with this horrible acceptance that doesn’t quite fit. Iwaizumi realizes for the first time that Oikawa has always been better suited for defiance- whether it be the sparkling mischief in his eyes or that breathtaking determination.

He had never thought he had much else to learn about Oikawa. Maybe that was the problem.

And suddenly, he’s there again, standing at the edge of his dam, watching the waters rush to a halt before him. 

They are calmer than he feared, splashing up his walls before retreating as if threatened by the idea of success- that if they overcome the dam, everything will collapse, and all the debris will be dragged away: Pollution and destruction. 

But… 

_When has Oikawa ever backed down?_

The ocean does not like to be restrained.

_Hit it until it breaks._

Yet the currents slow at his dam, swerving away from his beach.

_Are we already broken?_

He has to fix this.

Iwaizumi tears down his dam and lets the water stream over him. He hopes he isn’t the same crude, grating sand anymore; he hopes he isn’t met with the terrible, frigid tide- the sea that turned black when the sun went down, like an icy reflection in the place of warm touch. 

“I’m sorry,” he admits. “I never gave you enough when I had the chance.”

“It was me.” Oikawa wrings his hands together and shifts towards Iwaizumi, letting loose a shaky breath. “I took too much and pushed you too hard without thinking. I never really expected things to… y’know.” 

“I did the same to you.”

“...Yeah. Yeah, you did. I guess we both got too used to always being there.”

“We know better now,” Iwaizumi attempts. “We’ve changed.”

“You’re right.” Oikawa offers a half-smile. “...thanks for calling me, Hajime.”

“I owed it to you.”

"Does this mean...?" Oikawa wipes at his teary eyes, smiling a little brighter. “If you still love me- Or, actually, that’s too intense, too much, sorry, I- just maybe, if you’re willing to try again and start o-”

“Yes, you dumbass.” Iwaizumi laughs, thrilled, and Oikawa joins in; they lean into each other. Suddenly, everything starts flowing like it always had.

“Iwa-chan!”

Oikawa’s gleaming ocean glides onto Iwaizumi’s sun-kissed sand, warm and soothing. 

(And his lips taste of sea salt.) 

**Author's Note:**

> I'm so sorry for posting angst on IwaOi day but I have nothing else written and I wanted to get something up. There's a happy ending so it's fine right haha?
> 
> Anyway, thank you so much for reading! Kudos and comments are appreciated. <3


End file.
